A Long-Stemmed Rose...
Our YA FRESH friend Chuck asked for an “assignment” to write something other than a blog comment. It struck me as a fun idea for all of us. So, while there are no winners or prizes (because writing is subjective!), feel free to read the following set-up and post a paragraph or two. Kelly and I will comment on them all.
Set-Up: Darcy walks out of school to find a long-stemmed rose on the hood of her car. She suspects her ex, who she figures STILL wants her back. Troy, who got switched into her Econ project group, strolls by. He’s hot, smart, and either totally confident or a little shy (she’s unsure), but she figures he has a girlfriend--because come on, guys like Troy always do. He asks about the rose...
For those of you who don’t write every day (or for a living), may I offer the following advice? To remember to start the scene where the action is, and end it there, too. Feel no need to recap what I’ve just written, just jump on in...
Now, get writing!
Our YA FRESH friend Chuck asked for an “assignment” to write something other than a blog comment. It struck me as a fun idea for all of us. So, while there are no winners or prizes (because writing is subjective!), feel free to read the following set-up and post a paragraph or two. Kelly and I will comment on them all.
Set-Up: Darcy walks out of school to find a long-stemmed rose on the hood of her car. She suspects her ex, who she figures STILL wants her back. Troy, who got switched into her Econ project group, strolls by. He’s hot, smart, and either totally confident or a little shy (she’s unsure), but she figures he has a girlfriend--because come on, guys like Troy always do. He asks about the rose...
For those of you who don’t write every day (or for a living), may I offer the following advice? To remember to start the scene where the action is, and end it there, too. Feel no need to recap what I’ve just written, just jump on in...
Now, get writing!
15 fresh comments:
And don't worry, guys, it's just for fun! We're not critiquing--make us laugh or make us smile. :) :)
And you can keep it simple. Even one line if you want...
"Um, hey Darcy, you got an early Valentine'd day present." Troy stuck his hands in back pockets and gave me his dimpled smile.
"Or a late one," I said. Valentines day was six months ago. "Depending on how you look at things."
"And if you look long enough sometimes you see things you never saw before." His stare burned right through me.
I picked up the rose and stuck it in my book bag.
"By the way," Troy said. "That's a hybrid." He turned and walked away.
The minute he started his car, I remembered that his parents owned a nursery.
Had he left that rose?
Since I'm the one one to blame for this I'll go ahead and toss in my 2 cents worth. As a mattter of preface, I found that trying to write dialogue was alot more difficult than I thought it would be. Having never written anything before, my hat go off to all of you who do it so well! (actually, now that I think about it, I have written fiction before --Resumes and apologies!)
Behold, my firstborn:
Darcy stood there in the school parking lot, looking at the rose that was sitting on the hood of her old Nissan Sentra and wondered if Brad, the boyfriend that had just dumped her, had left it there as some sort of peace offering. She stood there lost in deep thought when she was suddenly snapped back into the present by an unfamiliar voice.
“Hey Darcy, I thought roses were only placed around the necks of thoroughbreds after a win, not old nags on their way to the glue factory.” Darcy looked up to see Troy walking towards her and motioning towards the rose on her car. Darcy looked at him through squinted eyes, not knowing if she should be offended, insulted, or just glad that he knew her name.
Darcy didn’t know him very well, or even very much about him for that matter. Other than the fact that he was totally hot and was always surrounded by girls; he was also in her Econ class and had just been assigned to her project group. That being said, she really didn’t know him at all. After all, for reasons that were beyond her, boys of Troy’s lofty status didn’t usually make a habit of speaking to her – especially one on one.
“Was that crack supposed to be funny? Because it wasn’t even close!” She motioned towards the car with her head and sharply said, “You’re going to have to do better than that. ‘Bessie’ here has been called far worse by far better people!” Darcy couldn’t believe what had just happened. She had just snapped at the cutest boy that had ever voluntarily spoken to her. He’s going to think I’m a real “witch” with a capital “B”, she thought. Maybe her quick tongue was one of those reasons that were beyond her.
Not knowing what to say or do, Darcy was relieved when Troy blurted “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was a feeble attempt at humor on my part and I failed – miserably. Sometimes when I don’t know what to say I try to be funny. Sometimes I hit it out of the ballpark and everyone laughs, and sometimes I’m not even in the ballpark. What do you say we start this conversation over, huh?”
Darcy smiled at Troy, welcoming the chance to “take it once more, from the top!”
There you have it! A work in progress to be sure.
Chuck
Janie, you made my heart turn over! "That's a hybrid," is such a zinger, says so much in so few words.
I want Darcy to follow Troy to the first stoplight and pull up beside him so that I can have more!
Chuck--you're a natural! In just this short space, you created three dimensional characters who showed different sides of themselves, and a direction in which to grow.
Your dialogue flowed beautifully and sounded realistic.
Your piece is well paced with a beginning/middle/end.
And I loved how you ended it on a high note, leaving the readers wanting more.
Bravo!
Janie, love the action!
--
Chuck, great first attempt!!
Thanks for playing!
Fun story, Chuck! I'm a sucker for guys (fictional guys, anyway) who act like jerks because they're feeling uncertain.
Here's my go:
Darcy turned back to her car so Troy wouldn't catch her staring as he walked away.
Just ask him!
She clutched the stem, squeezing until the thorns pricked into her palm. There would never be a better time. No one else was around and she'd been granted a golden opportunity in Econ today.
Just turn around and ask him something about the project.
Hands fisted in determination, she swung around. "Hey, Troy, did you--"
"Ugh!" Troy grunted when the force of Darcy's outstretched arms knocked the wind out of him. He doubled over, clutching his gut.
"Omigosh, are you okay?" she blurted, dropping the rose and leaning down to help. She hadn't heard him walk back up.
"I'm fine," he wheezed with a pained smile. Wincing as he stood, he said, "You sure do know how to take a guy's breath away."
Woo-hoo, TLC! That's one heck of a scene. I'm just weeks from finally getting to read OH.MY.GODS., and I can already tell you're going to be killer with dialogue, description and section ends!
LOL! awesome, Tera!
Too bad so few people took the bait! Next time offer a cash prize. :)
You're just saying that 'cause you think you would have won! :)
In the amateur division, yes! I was probably the only one.
Thanks for "stretching" me. I'm awaiting my next assignment. (I think!)
Next assignment? Oh-kay. Kelly, note to file!
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